Brachiation seemed the most expedient, not to mention the most desirable, means of travel, despite the lack of anything to swing from. No trees, no jungle gym, nothing. It was a melancholy moment for which Johnny would remember until the end of his Twinkie. Unfortunately he had a Long Tom, a Twinkie three feet long. Without the cardboard support, it would break apart under its own weight.
The Twinkie brought a degree of happiness mixed with the melancholy while he regretted no means to swing over the park. Today he would not be a target for the paintball guns. For, really, what was the point of moving through the park unless you could test your skill avoiding the guns? Maybe, he thought, I could string a zip line over the park. But he thought that impractical. He couldn't freely swing and dodge on a zip line.
Johnny finished his Twinkie, the melancholy moment now gone from him. He considered going to the exotic pet store to get a monkey. Maybe he could train it to make obscene gestures at construction workers.