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Monday, February 18, 2019

M³ Not The Grandma


            Yes, I know, the story calls her Grandmother so she has to be Red’s grandmother. The story is always right about such things. I can’t just say that’s not Red’s grandmother for no good reason. But I have good reasons. Honest.

Friday, February 15, 2019

F³ Tough Negotiator

            “No,” I said. I was kicked back in my chair, feet on my desk.
            Kate and the other three dripped despite the towels I provided. The man and the woman, both of whom looked familiar, had deposited the unconscious man on the floor unceremoniously. I thought it best not to ask.
            “I haven’t asked anything,” Kate said.
            “The answer is still no,” I said, pulling my feet off and slamming the seat on the
            “Come on, Matt, be a guy. Do it for the mystery.”

Monday, February 11, 2019

M³ Over The River And through The Woods


            I’m taking an interlude from both Greek myth and the Bible to revisit the fairy tale that is most on my mind. Little Red Riding Hood. I can’t explain why, but I’ve known there’s much more to this story than meets the eye, and I think I might finally have an answer.
            Grandma.

Friday, February 8, 2019

F³ Uninvited Guests


            Belport’s weather was foul, fouler than normal, which generally drove down business. Jessie surfed the web while I enjoyed some Raymond Chandler, at least until the flash of lightning blinded me, followed by the thunder crack right above the building.
            “Oh no,” I said.
            “You say something, Boss?” Jessie called back.
            “Lock the door!” I jumped up, following my own advice.
            “What? Why?”
            “Do it! We’re closed; you got that? Just stay quiet and we’ll get through this.”

Monday, February 4, 2019

M³ Godly Natures


So the cosmos is at risk of repeating an endless loop of gods and goddesses undoing each others’ work due to their own petty obsessions, but there’s a bigger problem. The gods are specialized in nature. Artemis is goddess of the hunt, Apollo the sun, Demeter of agriculture, Poseidon the sea, etc. These specialized domains belong only to those certain gods. Yes, there is some overlap. Hera and Zeus both have prophecy. Apollo shares the hunt with his sister, and he and Helios share the sun.

Friday, February 1, 2019

F³ The Game


            “That’s a low blow,” I said. “Sincerity? That’s low.”
            “It’s not an act, not a lure,” Nikki looked scandalized without letting her smile slip.
            “I know. That’s why it’s low.”
            I sighed, trying to think of a way out of it, but nothing sprung to mind.

Monday, January 28, 2019

M³ Law vs. Chaos


Zeus made law (no one knows when because it’s only brought up in this story) that no god will be able to undo the actions of another. So, really, he can’t undo what Hera did.
Why make such a law in the first place, though? Most laws in the human world tend to form as part of a reactionary process. Bad things get done, then we finally get our act together and come up with something that says, we shouldn’t do this thing. This thing, whatever it is, is detrimental to society in some fashion.
With Zeus, we don’t see him set up very many laws. There is the law regarding messing with Hestia, the law of hospitality, and now the law about undoing the actions of another god. We’ve discussed the importance of Hestia and the law of hospitality with Odysseus and Polyphemus. We know that when Zeus actually lays down a law, it’s a big deal, like kind of universe-shaking deal.
This latest law we have is on the same level, and potentially universe-ending if not followed. As we’ve seen by examining the other gods, they’re not exactly the most thoughtful and stable bunch. They tend to follow their whims very easily, and lash out in the same way. They also struggle against one another using human proxies.
With Teiresias, Hera takes out her anger against him. With other gods such as Demeter, she lashed out against Erysichthon, causing him an endless hunger. Was it justified? Most of these transgressions generally are not by modern standards. If one of the gods felt that he had been treated poorly, he or she could have undone Demeter’s handiwork and that would be an end to it, except for Demeter’s ire. So what’s the harm?
If Zeus would simply undo what Hera did, what’s to stop her from re-doing it in the first place once Zeus isn’t around? The same goes for Demeter or Athena or Artemis. Where would this undoing and re-doing ever end? No progress would ever be made as everything would be trapped in an endless cycle of reversing the changes done by another.
The other reason concerns the nature of the gods themselves, coming up next week.


Friday, January 25, 2019

F³ Verbal Dancing


“So you were paying attention,” Nikki’s smile threatened to become Cheshire-Cat sized. “I should not have doubted you.”
            “I made that up on the spot,” I said, still looking at her leg.
            “Droll, Matthew. So, you’ve already deduced it all.”
            “Nope.”
            She sighed, and the smiled faded, too.
            “Nikki, I really don’t care about any of the politics in this forsaken place. If you’ve got a scheme for taking over or working in women through the back door, probably by slowly replacing the girls with your own people to listen in and blackmail people, fine. I don’t care.”
            “You know, Matthew, if you had the ambition for politics, you would do well.”
            “Never been my thing.”
            “Nevertheless, I could use your talents in the future with my endeavor.”
            “Not interested.”
            “I can make you interested.”
            “No, you can’t.”
            “Hmm, I’ve known you long enough to know that is probably true. There is nothing I could do to entice you?”
            “Nothing comes to mind.”
            “The noble cause of dismantling a sexist and archaic institution?”
            “Eh.”
            “And though you are quite interested in my physical features, I know you would not succumb to those charms if offered.”
            “Well, I wouldn’t put it in those terms as I would never wish to offend—”
            “Enough of your verbal dancing regarding my physical prowess.” She sighed, again, not the playful sigh from before or the exasperated sigh, this one was as close to real emotion as she ever gave. “I had hoped that we could be involved in a long-term project together. We only seem to collaborate when it is life and death. Where is the fun, Matthew?”
            I lifted my eyes from her leg to stare into hers.
           

Monday, January 21, 2019

M³ Gender Reassignment


            So, the stories of Zeus have been on the heavy-handed side for a while. It’s time we do one that’s actually kind of fun, especially one that is so bizarre. Today we examine the story of Teiresias.
            One day, Zeus and Hera had an argument (shocker). The argument was about who gets more pleasure from sex. Zeus says it’s women, and Hera says it’s men. How do you solve such a disagreement? You consult an expert who has been both. They go to talk to Teiresias.
            So, Teiresias was on a journey when he came across two snakes joined together in, um, okay, they were having sex. I will not deny that Teiresias is something of a voyeur and perv for watching the snakes go at it, and he’s a real jerk because he took his staff and smacked the snakes. Instead of breaking them up, well, some kind of weird magic took place and Teiresias suddenly became a woman.
            He was that way for seven years until he came across the same two snakes going at it again, and thought, “Hmm, if I hit them with my staff again, I will change back to a man.”
            I have no idea what kind of messed up, stupid logic led him to this conclusion. I must stress this to everyone, if you come across a pair of snakes having sex, do not, DO NOT hit them with a stick. Just imagine how upset you would be if you were finally managing to get some and a weirdo smacks you with a stick. You would probably bite the guy, or break his skull open or something.
            But Teiresias was right in his deduction, and he becomes a man again. Thus, armed with the proper experience to adjudicate Zeus and Hera’s argument, they pay him a visit. Now, having experienced the pettiness of the other gods, we know that it’s probably not a good idea to give a god an answer that he or she does not like. Adjudicating such an argument between gods is a recipe for disaster.
            My advice, try not to have completely unique cosmic experiences. That way, disagreeing gods will not visit you and demand you choose between them. The more you know.
            So, the two show up and put T to the question. His verdict: women get more pleasure from sex. Zeus wins the argument.
            Now, one would think that if you’re going to piss of a god no matter what, you don’t want to piss off the king of the gods, so this was a wise move on T’s part. Can we trust his answer is truthful? He does have motive to lie, assuming he thinks he can get away with it. As a general rule, it’s not a good idea to lie to gods. Sure, they’re not omniscient, but they are very knowledgeable. Zeus, especially, would be good at sniffing out a bluff. He’s had some experience at politics.
Hera isn’t exactly a pushover, either. She’s knowledgeable in her own right, used to ferreting out Zeus’s illicit affairs and punishing his lovers and illicit offspring. I don’t think it’s in T’s best interest to try lying. The payoff just isn’t there.
If he lies, he risks pissing off both of them because the implication is that he thinks they’re stupid. If he tells the truth, he’ll only piss off one. So, we can be reasonably sure that his verdict is truth. So, ladies, you get more pleasure in bed than men. It’s a fact, now. We can cite the case with Teiresias as precedent.
Of course, because Zeus wins, that means Hera is mightily ticked off. She blinds Teiresias. Completely, totally blind. Which, as far as curses go, is actually pretty mild compared to the likes of what Demeter, Artemis, and Athena have done.
Now Zeus is here, but he doesn’t reverse the blindness. The reason is pretty interesting, and has important implications.
Stay tuned.






Friday, January 18, 2019

F³ Proxy


            “I’ll bite,” I said. “Why vote down women’s membership?”
            Now Nikki smiled. She rose smoothly, crossed the space and sat on the couch facing me. At some point, the zipper on her skirt had moved from just above the knee all the way up to her hip, showing off a very generous amount of leg.
            She arched her back as she leaned towards me, presenting a fabulous view of cleavage. It was completely intentional, she was trying to distract me. I didn’t know why, and until I did, I felt justified in looking where she wanted me to look. After all, she was taking the time and effort, it would be rude not to look.
            “On your way here, you ran into Theresa, did you not?”
            “Sure, I guess.”
            Nikki rolled her eyes. “You know, Dumpling, for a supposedly observant detective, you have difficulty with salient details.”
            “Yup,” I said, continuing to leer down Nikki’s blouse, letting my eyes slide to her leg.
            “Really, Matthew, must you be so obviously distracted?” Nikki chided.
            “Yup.”
            “The young redheaded woman.”
            “The one who decidedly didn’t fit the standard physical or behavioral model for Fairhaven Club. Decided glimmer of intelligence, but she’s not as good at hiding her contempt for people as she thinks. You let her wait on any of the big wigs and even they’ll figure it out eventually no matter how good she is at showing legs and cleavage.”
            Nikki blinked, then the smile went from simply flirtatious to genuinely fond.