The semester has ended, and I find myself once again evaluating. I always begin with myself, but nevertheless extends to every facet. It is with something of a heavy heart that I make the following statement: teaching has lost its charm.
Obviously it has, but I mean more than just on the surface. I’ve been teaching for over six years, which any teacher will tell you is like time spent serving in combat. Whole lifetimes can be crammed into those six years. So I knew the charm had worn off teaching a long time ago. I’m not a hopeless romantic about it.
What I mean is that the remaining charm is no longer enough to keep me in the profession. Before there were always bits and pieces that gave me hope, that made me want to press on, knowing that I did something noble and beneficial.
I helped students.
I don’t think it’s enough anymore. Even subjects I once looked forward to teaching have become things I had to force myself to do.
I wish there was hope, that there could be some kind of redemption for what I used to love, but I just don’t know any more.
I still don’t hate it, but it’s harder and harder to see the benefit of what I do. I’ll press forward, trying to make something of this, but I don’t know.
This is a horrible way to feel about a job I used to love.