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Monday, December 9, 2019

M³ Pretty Boy

So Persephone has the chest, and Aphrodite expects her not to open it, but we all know what happens when you give a box to someone in mythology: they open it. Okay, yes, Pandora didn’t open a box, she opened a jar, but we all know what we meant. Besides, squeezing an infant into a jar is just not practical.
On finding the boy, she raises him to manhood, which means Aphrodite has been gone for a while or the kid grows freakishly fast. After he’s a man, Persephone takes him on as her lover. Yeah, it’s kind of awkward, isn’t it? Even though Persephone is in no way related to him, she still raised him. So now we have a pseudo-incestuous relationship, here. Remember the side effects of parenting according to mythology? Yeah.
Anyway, Aphrodite finds out about this, and wants the kid back because she wanted Adonis for the same reason.
Does anyone else hear David Lee Roth’s cover of “Just A Gigolo / I Ain’t Got Nobody”? Just me? Well, okay then.
So Adonis’s only value to these two goddesses is for his body. It gets so bad that the matter actually goes to trial. Now, Zeus is a smart cookie, as we’ve seen, and what we’ve got here is a court case between two of his daughters, arguing over the man with whom they wish to cheat on their husbands with. Yeah, no way he’s going to get into that one.
He transfers the case (which is something he does quite frequently) to another court. Judge Calliope (of the Muses) gets jurisdiction. She more or less goes the Solomon route, here, dividing the year into thirds so that each goddess gets four months and Adonis gets time to himself, which I thought was considerate of Calliope to think that the guy might want some time to, you know, live his own life.
We are dealing with gods, though, and no story can end that simply. Aphrodite cheats.

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